v Lightening, Kitty Cat and Awesomeness235
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page! This is the sweet spot to post your best effort at writing a mystery! This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your story here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the story better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you! The case of the red cat (titles should be capitilized Kitty Cat)
By
Kitty Cat
The first Monday of summer holidays I was walking to the store when I heard someone calling my name. I could place the voice as my English teacher, Mrs. Rancet calling from the cat house where her five kittens were kept. Her face was paler than usual, when I got to her gate. I looked down and saw a cat with bright red fur,but I did not know if it was real.
“Lea look what someone did to my ratty cat”.
“Do you know who did it!” I panted. She shook her head and then she said,
“But I think I have a suspicion you know how I sent Kelly to the office, I think she was mad at me”.
“OK, I'll go check it out.” I said as I ran out of the yard. It was probably a mile of running to get to Kelly's from Mrs. Rancet, but since I was so eagar to get there it did not take that long. When I got there I found Kelly siting on the steps dribbling a basketball. When I noticed the ball and the her hands had the same kind of paint as was on Mrs. Rancet cat.
“Hey Kelly have you been painting?” I asked with a smile. “Yes but if you are thinking that I panted our English teachers cat red I did not.” She said with a sly smile on her face. “OK!” I said and started back to Mrs. Rancet, and I heard Kelly sigh and say, “That was a close one.”
solution LEA had not said anything about Mrs. Rancet or her cat.. She had red pant on her ball and her hands.
Hi Kitty Cat! A star for the writing is the solution was very clever! Good on you. Another star I have for the writing is you used dialogue effectively to move the story along. Sometimes writers use too much and the story bogs down. A wish I have for you is to capitalize your titles. Thanks for sharing your mystery with me and other readers!
Mrs. Smith
The Mystery Man by Lightening
There were two best friends named Ocean and Patience. They loved to play basketball and they were hardly ever apart. One morning they shopped and shopped. Then they decided to go back to Patience's house to try on their new clothes. Ocean flipped on the radio just as the announcer was talking about the Princess Diamond being stolen. She quickly flipped it off. Patience was busy trying on clothes when Ocean suggested they go for a walk. At the park they saw mysterious man with a big briefcase walk into the old abandoned house that the Parker's use to live in. They say if you were to stay overnight that you could hear ghosts walking down the stairs, moving furniture around, and blood coming out of the shower head. Patience pulled out her cell and called the police. She tells the policemen that there is a funny looking man in the Parker's house, and Ocean has the Princess diamond.
Solution
Ocean flipped off the radio just as the announcer was talking about the Princess diamond being stolen.
Ocean didn't try on any clothes she bought.
Ocean had a big lump around her neck.
Hi Lightening! A star I have for your writing is that it is easy to read because your sentences make sense. Another star is for part of your solution. I especially liked the first one about Ocean flipping off the radio. One wish I have is that you'd add more details where you show Ocean having a lump around her neck because I can't find anything that would hint at that in the story. I'm not sure the ghost part adds to the story at this time. Was the man with the big briefcase a "red herring"? Good try!
Mrs. Smith
Lightening, Kitty Cat and Awesomeness235
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page! This is the sweet spot to post your best effort at writing a mystery! This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your story here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the story better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!
The case of the red cat (titles should be capitilized Kitty Cat)
By
Kitty Cat
The first Monday of summer holidays I was walking to the store when I heard someone calling my name. I could place the voice as my English teacher, Mrs. Rancet calling from the cat house where her five kittens were kept. Her face was paler than usual, when I got to her gate. I looked down and saw a cat with bright red fur,but I did not know if it was real.
“Lea look what someone did to my ratty cat”.
“Do you know who did it!” I panted. She shook her head and then she said,
“But I think I have a suspicion you know how I sent Kelly to the office, I think she was mad at me”.
“OK, I'll go check it out.” I said as I ran out of the yard. It was probably a mile of running to get to Kelly's from Mrs. Rancet, but since I was so eagar to get there it did not take that long. When I got there I found Kelly siting on the steps dribbling a basketball. When I noticed the ball and the her hands had the same kind of paint as was on Mrs. Rancet cat.
“Hey Kelly have you been painting?” I asked with a smile. “Yes but if you are thinking that I panted our English teachers cat red I did not.” She said with a sly smile on her face. “OK!” I said and started back to Mrs. Rancet, and I heard Kelly sigh and say, “That was a close one.”
solution
LEA had not said anything about Mrs. Rancet
or her cat..
She had red pant on her ball and her hands.
Hi Kitty Cat! A star for the writing is the solution was very clever! Good on you. Another star I have for the writing is you used dialogue effectively to move the story along. Sometimes writers use too much and the story bogs down. A wish I have for you is to capitalize your titles. Thanks for sharing your mystery with me and other readers!
Mrs. Smith
The Mystery Man
by Lightening
There were two best friends named Ocean and Patience. They loved to play basketball and they were hardly ever apart. One morning they shopped and shopped. Then they decided to go back to Patience's house to try on their new clothes. Ocean flipped on the radio just as the announcer was talking about the Princess Diamond being stolen. She quickly flipped it off. Patience was busy trying on clothes when Ocean suggested they go for a walk. At the park they saw mysterious man with a big briefcase walk into the old abandoned house that the Parker's use to live in. They say if you were to stay overnight that you could hear ghosts walking down the stairs, moving furniture around, and blood coming out of the shower head. Patience pulled out her cell and called the police. She tells the policemen that there is a funny looking man in the Parker's house, and Ocean has the Princess diamond.
Solution
Hi Lightening! A star I have for your writing is that it is easy to read because your sentences make sense. Another star is for part of your solution. I especially liked the first one about Ocean flipping off the radio. One wish I have is that you'd add more details where you show Ocean having a lump around her neck because I can't find anything that would hint at that in the story. I'm not sure the ghost part adds to the story at this time. Was the man with the big briefcase a "red herring"? Good try!
Mrs. Smith